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By userOnce you’ve settled on a shade, New York City colorist Aura Friedman, whose clients include everyone from Carolyn Murphy to Caroline Polachek and Sky Ferreira, says the only rule for dyeing your eyebrows is to match warm tones with warm tones, cool with cool. That, and be prepared to return to the salon at least once every four weeks.
Self-belief is like a shadow in the midday sun. Just as we think we’ve caught it, it can recede surprisingly quickly. Our self-confidence is having to deflect blows on an hourly basis. “With social media, for example, it’s impossible to escape negative comparisons,” says Dr Gary Wood, author of Confidence Karma: How To Become Confident And Help Others Feel Great Too. “It’s an orgy of not keeping up with the Joneses, but of wilfully crushing the Joneses underfoot at every given opportunity.”
Below is a road map to improve your self-confidence, designed by the coaches, trainers and psychologists who boost self-esteem for a living.
01.
Lift others
“We boost our own confidence as we build confidence in others,” Dr Gary Wood says. “Giving others an uplift with a compliment will give you and them a physiological and psychological boost, and they will perceive you as more confident and treat you as such, so you get a further boost. It becomes a positive-feedback loop.”
02.
Power up
“Practise a power pose, with arms raised, chin up and chest out,” says Mr David Waters, a therapist and coach. “Emulating the posture of winners triggers a positive hormonal shift, reduces anxiety-producing cortisol and boosts confidence-enhancing testosterone.”
It helps to focus on connecting with people rather than the performance
Simon
03.
Find the right fit
“Nothing boosts self-confidence quite like wearing clothes that fit you perfectly,” says Mr Nick Hems, a men’s personal stylist. “If you truly want to feel comfortable and confident, get the pair of trousers or a shirt you buy off the rack altered to fit you just right.”
04.
Redefine yourself
“One of the challenges that a lot of people face is that they intertwine their identity with their work,” says Mr Simon Sinek, author of Find Your Why. Men tend to introduce themselves by their job title because they attach such status to it that when they lose that job or retire or change career, it can send confidence crashing. “I define myself by who I am – an optimist – not by what I do,” Sinek says.
05.
Connect to impress
“We often get the idea that confidence is about holding court, whereas it’s more to do with putting people at ease,” Wood says. “It helps to focus on connecting with people rather than focusing on the performance.” During an interview, for example, you should direct your energy towards establishing a connection with your interviewer instead of merely aiming to impress them.
06.
Take a breath
“Lengthening your out-breath relative to your in-breath counteracts the fight-or-flight response,” Waters says. “This promotes calmness, quickly soothes racing thoughts and instils confidence.”
07.
Stop chronic worrying
“Recognise that chronic worry, although a defence mechanism against feeling helpless and out of control, leads to excessive anxiety and stress that lower your self-confidence,” says Dr Nick Wignall, a clinical psychologist. “Learn to tolerate the discomfort of feeling helpless and accept that there are things you can’t control. This will free your mind and allow self-confidence to grow.”
08.
Stop scrolling
“If we are doing better than others, we’re happy,” Wood says, talking about social media and self-esteem. “But if the comparisons are less fortunate, we’re not happy. Confidence needs to start with feeling comfortable in our own skin. This must come from inner attitudes. It will never come from outer social pressures.”
09.
Learn to say enough
“Curb negative internal dialogues using a powerful trigger word, such as stop or enough,” Waters says. This cognitive behavioural therapy tip can immediately interrupt self-defeating thoughts and refocus the mind. “Saying these words out loud intensifies the effect, opens up new, more optimistic thought patterns and consequently enhances confidence.”
10.
Don’t dwell on mistakes
“Instead, learn to accept feelings of guilt, regret and disappointment and stop using rumination as an escape,” Wignall says. “By building a healthier relationship with these difficult emotions, you can stop them from undermining your self-confidence.”
Maggie
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March 19, 2023As a finishing touch, Yadim reached for a pot of loose red pigment that he swiped from the Maybelline labs. “It’s very volatile,” he warned, as one speck of cherry-colored powder could result in a smeary lip mess, but he firmly believes that “every woman should be able to overdraw her lip and not feel like she’s wearing tons of drag makeup
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April 30, 2023Next, he strategically overdrew the perimeter, “respecting the integrity” of each girl’s natural shape by filling in the Cupid’s bow to create “hills” rather than “peaks,” and dipping the middle point of the lower lip ever so slightly—keeping the lines extending straight into the outer corners of the mouth instead of “curling them under.”
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June 13, 2023Last night at Adam Selman, the clothes took inspiration from a nudist colony in Hawaii, featuring punchy tropical prints, but the nails, designed by manicurist Madeline Poole, are naked in their own way. Bare save for a random blob of deep blue polish (Poole used Complete Salon Manicure in Dark Hue-Mor) on each nail, the look is, “something a girl could do DIY sitting at her desk. Like drawing on your finger with Sharpie,” says Poole who created a makeshift circle stamp by pressing a carpenter’s nail into the end of a pencils eraser, but “you can use anything to make a dot,” Poole says.
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